Rock Band is not "the social gaming experience of the year," because there is no such thing.

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Recently I've been seeing these commercials for one of those "Rock Band" or "Guitar Hero" games that claims it to be "the social gaming experience of the year." This is impossible because there is no such thing as social gaming. Video games are not an experience for one thing, they are a sad refuge from a harsh boring reality.  And games that you play with other people are not "social," they are more like a support group like cutters anonymous. A more fitting title would probably be "I can't stop shoving things slightly smaller than my fist in my face while I play this game and cry anonymous." Games as a "social" phenomena only include two variables that solo gaming lacks, mutual enjoyment of something bad and someone bad to fuck up the progress of everyone else.  Here's some spoilers for your favorite "social games,"

Rock Band: You're pressing buttons to bad music. You can replicate this exact experience by having the person in the cubicle next to you play bad music while the two of you type. If you really want the whole dead rock star visual thing like Beatles Rock Band, find a youtube video of John Lennon banging that Jap skank that broke up the Beatles and ruined rock and roll, and watch that while you type. I liked rockband better when it was called "listening to iTunes while I play a good game."

Let's not forget that both of these games require you to buy stupid plastic instruments that make you look like an idiot playing a tiny guitar. Sorry you never got the experience of learning an instrument only to become a member of an unsuccessful cover band. The game doesn't really replicate this because you probably shower and aren't addicted to meth.  

Halo: Having a "Halo Party" means you like dudes and are probably in a frat. That's all, the hardest FPS you have ever played was probably Counter Strike, and you bought the Xbox version, and liked it. If you don't believe me about the homosexual nature of this game get on Xbox live or have a halo party then play a drinking game where you drink every time someone gets "t-bagged," you will die of alcohol poisoning. I'm not saying playing Halo is synonymous with enjoying sex with men, but it is. Halo party's should follow the same rule as contact sports, you have to be the only guy on both teams for it to not be gay.

MMORPGs: Massively multiplayer online role playing games. Congratulations you pay fifteen dollars a month for final fantasy plus AIM. There should be a show on A&E about these games, on right between intervention and hoarders.  I enjoy collecting things and killing stuff for days at a time as much as the next guy, but at some point you have to say fuck these other people and just go back to Zelda. Video games should also be like romantic relationships, little to no conversation and instant gratification. MMORPGs are like the needy unemployed ever present girlfriend, you're always giving her money and spending all your time trying to keep her happy and maintain the relationship, then by the time you actually get in her pants you're too exhausted to get it up.  Games like Rainbow Six are like the perfect girlfriend, I turn on my Xbox, I want to kill terrorists, I kill terrorists. Then I take a nap. No talking, no items to collect, no money is exchanged, perfect relationship.    

All of these types of games have people who will talk shit, piss you off, and fuck up your game. So why play at all?  The reason why they developed this new term "social" gaming is because rock band is a non-competative game, everyone is doing different things to achieve the same goal.  Thus you don't get to see who's best, who wins, you only get to see who is worst, and fucking up the progress of the song for everyone else. (You can even turn that off if someone is really bad.) Playing video games was better back in the 80s and 90s, it was like masturbating: done alone and occasionally experimentally with one other friend. (In a totally not gay way.) In conclusion you want your video games to be like your girlfriend or like masturbation. Would you want to share your girlfriend or masturbation with your idiot friends to stupid songs you hate? Actually, mostly just like masturbation, because we know that is way better than your girlfriend.